I think this is going to be a long post. I don't care if no one reads it or finishes until the end, blogging for me is like writting sans the actual penning down of words and in a way helps me sort out my thoughts of confusion.

It's heartening to note that I'm not alone in pondering about life and it's choices. I know manyof those around me who seem to coast perfectly along what they've planned to do with their life. See, I have and had plans but there was also stops along the way like -getting the grades, passing that interview, and of course my own personal take on was what I planned the right choice, was it God's choice? It's nice to hear that I'm a deep person not that I really think I am, but then again, most people I know are kinda deep and it often gives me that fear of insecurity that my opinions can't measure up to theirs and that even though I'm often seen in the same class as them I'm somewhere near the bottom.

We each have our own standards to measure up to. I realised that I can be very conscious of how people view me but in all actuality, those who like me won't really judge me and those who don't like me and thus judge me, their views shouldn't matter. And while I feel that failure is almost a form of condemnation of my lack of ability in certain things, it's not the end of the world. I rather share my life and fears than keep them inside, even if it means sharing failure with them. So there you have it.

Be it law or political science, I will gladly do either course because of pure interest. Law holds more for me, perhaps because political science seems an extention of history and while I love history to bits, I want to do something I haven't tried before. And anyway doing political sciences doesn't mean entirely giving up on law because I can pursue it as a second major but cannot practice in SMU. While I can go on and on about the reasons for those choices, I don't want to.

You should know too, that I didn't even get shortlisted for NUS scholarship interview. I'm okay with that now you know? I wasn't at first. While it seemed like 'oh I wasn't good enough', I don't believe in chance, I believe in things happening for a reason. I gave every single decision in terms of higher education to the Lord and asked for guidance. I know what is meant to be will happen. To my non-christian friends it may seem wishy washy and stupid to base my decisions on 'signs' but to me I believe in God's will.

Since I didn't even get called up, I questioned my own ability when I should have been believing in it. When PSC did call me, I was shocked and scared. So yes, I let you know that I have an interview- my final one next friday. I don't know how to adequately prepare for it, I shall try my best and believe in myself but the fear is very real because it's easy to be composed and think about your next sentence when you're alone or not facing a long panel of interviewers. I know my interest is in public service because I only applied for that. I honestly don't believe in doing things I don't want. It may sound contradictory especially since I did say before that I sometimes do activities I may not like but my friends do but I'm talking more about in terms of responsibility. I know the chances of me obtaining a PSC scholarship is small (we all have to face the facts, percentages don't lie) but who says we can't try?

Living in regret over things I haven't done and saying 'what if what if' is sad. I don't want to live like that. I want to serve the people, as idealistic as it may sound. But I want to do so based on my interests.

I'm not THAT smart, I'm just hardworking. My opinions and thoughts to me seem simplistic and even idealistic compared to the more sophisticated ones of some of my friends. Then again, simplicity isn't all that bad, especially with such a complicated world we live in.

Anyway,
I'm not that deep.
Since I want to talk about X-men 3 now. Ha. Fantastic show, but not good if you're a die heart Marvel fan. Honestly! While I enjoyed the show, there was a part of me - the comic loving cartoon watching part that felt disgusted that the wrong idea was being brought across and the script straying miles away from the comic. For those that believe that Phoenix and Jean are the same person (as said in the movie as one being who was conscious and the other suppressed), they're not. I shall direct you to tada- www.marveldirectory.com. You'll be amazed at the fact there's Jean, her clone and the Phoenix force and the wonders of alternate universes- a bit hard to explain so the best is to read up yourself! The good thing about the show (without giving away too much) was how likable Wolverine became to me. I was okay with him but preferred Scott/Cyclops. I tell you he's more manly in the comic okay. He's a pretty boy, I like pretty boys. Do you think wimps become the leader of the X-men, no right? So since he's their leader he is no wimp and he's got very cool glasses. Yesyes, as a character I really like Logan a lot more now. But my poor Scott- how little screen time you had in this movie. Too bad they didn't have Gambit. Angel's wings were so prettyyyyyyy. I wanted to touch them.

And finally! VJ Soccer boys won the soccer finals against MJ yesterday! We had to have the usual downpour and usual delays but it was fantastic. Especially since we were trailing 0-1 before half time, getting back on levelled terms after that and then trailing again 2-1. I was wondering if it would be a replay of the FA cup finals. Or last year with penalities. Anyway, it was pretty exciting because VJ scored like 3 in maybe the last 15 minutes or so? Missed a penalty too. A couple or so of the goals were scored one on one with the keeper so was sometimes left wondering what happened to the defence. Some iffy decisions made by the referee but the spirit there was exciting. I was sitting with Jing at the MJ side and was cheering when they were silent and silent when they were cheering. SEE! I won't have to do that if I had someone to pei wo. But towards the end I made my way over to the VJ side. Met Zhings's sister ZhiXuan there too. I recognized her by her voice first really. Sounded just like ZhiYing. Anyway, final score was 4-2. How exciting!

When I talked to the Lord yesterday, I realised that I sounded bitter. But at the same time, I could feel my faith strengthening and the ability and willingness to trust in Him growing. I could tell the mother was disappointed, the sister slightly indifferent-being more interested in telling me to cheer up there's X-men on Friday and should we share popcorn, the father saying go SMU go SMU...

Much as I appreciate all the concern shown towards me, I find myself cringing when reminders flash across my mind. I do not take failure very well. To seek comfort in the Lord... I guess what I'm trying to say is that thank you very much for caring but I feel rather tired of talking about it. So don't take it the wrong way if you tell me to take care and I mumble an incoherent reply. It doesn't mean I'm not touched, I do like hearing voiced concern. Drinks would be nice. I doubt I'll be much of a conversationalist this week. And please don't make me cry.

On other occasions setbacks won't be such a huge deal but when you've been planning your life around the decision and suddenly you've got to make changes it doesn't seem real. I still have faith and that's probably the reason why I'm talking so much about this. Big decision-long time dreams, so excuse the 'taking it hard' routine. And I'm still suffering from food poisoning so I can't go for the VJ Hockey finals and have to rely on other people to tell me what happened. Boo. The toilet is fast becoming my second home.

My sister and I sang 'Eternal Flame' very loudly before going to bed in my parent's room. Since it was close to midnight my parents were only slightly amused. Being accused of tone deafness by the mother is laughable, we WERE out of tune but it was for fun. Then we sang 'Blue is the colour' in tune and when my sister sang 'come to the Bridge' after 'Chelsea, chelsea is our name', my Dad remarked, "Stamford bridge" (correctly), my mum went "Can't be, Stamford Bridge is Man United!"

-faints- That was a little light hearted comedy after the weirdness.

And get this, John Terry named his twins, Georgie John and Summer Rose. The girl's name isn't so bad but I hope he doesn't go around saying Georgie John when calling the boy. I thought Luna Lampard was a bit weird too, especially since it's the UK and who doesn't know Luna Lovegood (Loony) of Harry Potter fame?

Tongues are hot things. While I may not be able to lick my nose with my tongue like Clara so cleverly can, I can knot cherry stems with my tongue. I knotted 10 in 15 minutes yesterday, a new record, doing so in hopes of quelling the disappointment. The real cherries aren't in season so I had to make do with those glazed sweetened ones. Of course I only plucked the stems and left the cherries, you can't eat more than 5 without dying. Actually you can but that's not the point.

Wow. It certainly looks like I'm not suffering anymore does it. I still am but oh well, life goes on. Drama drama.

To Esta: I love Eric and Jeremy. They're so cute. And hot. And how could Terry not win! Boo. Sudden floodgates of reality TV emotions.

Yeah, I didn't get NUS Law. Of course I'm not okay but somehow after being consoled by others, just feel blessed knowing that I have so many friends who care about me. Count yourself lucky if I called you and was composed, at least you didn't have to deal with the tears. There is always that awkwardness in hearing about someone's rejection.

After the tears, I realised that SMU's social science isn't a second choice option, it's merely an alternative. And somehow I don't mind going there, I'll definitely know that what I'm studying will interest me and if you think about it, I'll have about 4 months break since they start later and end earlier than the other 2 unis. Haha.

It's hard to say God has a plan for me and believe it when I'm facing such a setback. But in all honestly, I believe I'm going to be okay because He really DOES have His plan, SMU has good points (considering that it's not NUS I want to go to but NUS Law) , if NUS calls me and offers me a place for law then that's God's will. If not, it's okay. Even my father says that SMU suits me more.

My reactions always start with huge amount of bad words, tears and well, acceptance. It doesn't help that I'm suffering from food poisoning. Feeling better now.

Dammit. I'm better than this. I know I am.

Fine. So I'm not that okay. I've never been defeatist. I know I might still have a chance on the waiting list but really, I'm an optimistic realist. Ha.

A new gorgeous love. I didn't know Ryan Gosling was the guy who acted in The Notebook- looks so different in the shows! I've watched Murder by Numbers before last night but since they played it on Channel 5 yesterday I rewatched and rediscovered my love but haha was too lazy to blog before about how gorgeous he looks in Numbers which he is! I love his dressing. And the character's attitude with the right amount of arrogance is so hot. I love the right amount of cockiness in a guy. Really. It's confidence. Like Mourinho.

[amanda*][i'm so confused. i don't know what i want anymore.] says:
u're so different frm my other frens

[xtine] Anything for you says:
in what ways?

[amanda*][i'm so confused. i don't know what i want anymore.] says:
u're rather sensual

[amanda*][i'm so confused. i don't know what i want anymore.] says:
and when u talk abt guys, u say dey're hot instead of cute

Interesting. I'm vaguely amused.

Yes yes to clarify. I know 2 Clarence Chews. One is Clarence Chew Zhi Yang and the other is Clarence Chew Qi Wen. (Oh no have I told the whole world Dory's (QiWen) chinese name? Can't be helped) I initially wanted to save the explanation for a whole post dedicated to the latter before he goes to army but then I thought that it's better not to inflate anyone's ego. Except mine. Both play the guitar, both are good you have to admit that, both should be DOTA fans, I know Dory definitely is. Dory I know from church and Chew is from a53. Both have rather big egos. It's true yeah. But they're very nice people. Dory likes saying "weak" and thus sounds like a penguin, good soccer skills and I'm still waiting for him to score an own goal, wants me to call him handsome (!), called me a princess and likes to kajiao me just for his own entertainment. Nonetheless, I still like him. Are you happy with this or do you want more. Chew is... a good basketballer, tall tall tall, looks good in a suit as can be seen from prom... And I better stop before some people like Jiax accuse me of inflating Chew's ego.

Dory's response to the "brillant-ness" of the name Clarence?

Zilch!Every blessing You pour out.blessed be Your name says:

e greatest name eva to embrace mother earth

Speechless is what I am.

Seduced by the magic of the city and the heat of lips pressed together

I want to know if I have very weird interests that few of my friends do. Let's talk about cultural appreciation, musical concerts and plays. It's difficult to find people to go with me. Let's not even talk about football. You know football is a huge part of my life, it would be nice if I could find someone to accompany me to watch some games, live or on TV. I'm not talking about all games. I know interest can't be forced but even if I'm not especially interested to do certain things that others want to do, I'll compromise sometimes and do so because they want to do it. I'm too nice. So much so that I overgive. Until I feel so unappreciated and emotionally drained. Yes I do tell people no if I really don't want to do something but honestly I'll feel extremely guilty and may even change my mind because of that. But I'm thinking too much of this, too much of thinking about other people and what they want and not pleasing myself is making me irritable and annoyed. (Okay and I'm not saying that NONE of my friends like football or cultural stuff because some do and most do like cultural what-its and actually this is more because of perhaps Guides stuffings and other recent events)

It's a build up I know. Anyway, say what you want about me throwing my temper tantrums again or being melodramatic. Whatever.

If anyone is interested in watching VJ's hockey girls/soccer guys finals next week let me know.

What can I say about yesterday? Was supposed to be prepping for some stuff but ended up not being able to do it because the father made off with the laptop in the wee hours of 11 plus in the morning. So I postponed my hardworking girl plans and called Benita for Suki. Which stretched into drinks and dessert at night. Fantastic company. Marred only by thoughts of tomorrow. How frightening. Anyway, Benita rocks because she's going to give me the Chelsea figurines as an early birthday present. Or at least paying half. I need to foot the rest. But that's really generous so thankies.

Watched the Barca-Arsenal match at 235 AM! I'm so not used to waking up early. Normally my support would go to an English team or ACMilan (which made last year's Champions League a bit hard to watch because I was half supporting each team but still mourning about Chelsea's lost chance) But if Arsenal raise the Cup, which is so huge and silver and beautiful, Chelsea will be the only one of the top 4 in England not to have raised it before. More pressure no thanks. Yet I acknowledge their superb defence and clean sheets and skill as well as Barca's. However the final was far from thrilling for me, maybe because I wasn't really into either team that much so aside from some of the Barca and Arsenal players I knew by name but not by sight, it seemed tame.

In fact, I was dozing off a little after Arsenal scored the first. The drama was the sending off of Lehmann but I was wondering where the 'superb football skills' would come in. Barca was not playing their best. I really didn't see much of Ronaldinho's skills that he displayed in previous CL matches and if it wasn't for sub Larsson it might have been a different story since he played a crucial role in setting up Eto and Belletti. The commentator was quite funny and the referee made some weird decisions. To score 2 in 5 minutes almost towards the end of the game must have been some shock to Arsenal. (If you thought this was going to be a by play you thought wrong so go read bbc.com if you want full deets) Nonetheless, full admiration towards both teams for making it to the finals.

All I was thinking about when Puyol lifted the Cup was that next year it had better be John Terry doing the honours. The cup is really huge and oh so gorgeous. Sorry but Chelsea rarely strays far from my mind.

Zilch!Glory glory Barcelona FC says:
rmb to acknowledge e great me

I have a message for Clarence: Excuse me, I think I'm the great one here. Fine when you leave for army I shall write a whole post about you. Be happy and jump for joy at the gift bestowed upon you.

If anyone thinks I'm quieter these few days yes I am. I just feel slightly tired and want to listen instead of talk. Oh and sometimes I feel unappreciated and unloved. I need hugs. And someone to prep my stuff for me. I want to sleep too because my head was just throbbing when I watched the Amazing race finale at 8 this morning because I didn't go to sleep until 5 yesterday cos of the match. Which brings me to... If it wasn't for the final roadblock challenge that required teams to match the flags and order in which they visited the country, Eric and Jeremy would have won. Blast it. But BJ and Taylor were so likable that its okay. But still. Eric and Jeremy were cute ok.

-photo courtesy of cbs.com

All about Survivor

If you guys know me, you should know I'm an avid fan of Survivor and the Amazing Race as Reality TV. Anyway, today was the Finale of Survivor: Exile Island. Spoilers ahead.

Supported Terry right from the beginning, ever since he revealed he was a fighter pilot and when he emerged as the sort of leader in the tribe. You really have to admire that man, going into the merge with an immediate target on his back and then winning 5 straight individual immunities and all sorts of rewards, including the car and the curse. He's 46 and perhaps his slightly cocky attitude got people a little riled up, a little, but I loved it because he earned that right to boast. (Just like Mourinho ha) Was extremely upset that he couldn't keep his balance and fell first in the final immunity which was way tougher than any final immunity ever. Danielle broke her promise to take him to the final 2 for which after that I was firmly backing Aras (this really cute young guy who gave Terry the toughest competition and was my second favourite). She was quite the bitch really. I was extremely glad that when Jeff Probst posed the question that if it had been Danielle and Terry in the final who would win, 5-2 win to Terry.

Shane in his jury comment/question really gave it to them both, Aras and Danielle. He said correctly that she did nothing around camp and Aras well, he lied to Shane and broke the Alliance so I cant fault Shane for being upset with him. Shane went from a weirdo in my book to such a likable person with all his antics and his outright love for his son (also helped by the fact that he proudly proclaimed Terry as the MOST deserving person to win) He really grew on me that man. Cirie as the final 4 was fantastic as well because she really went from a couch potato to someone who could make fire and fish.

But to me, Terry's the man. The absolute all rounder. The guy who wore a hot (almost) pink silk (I think) shirt to the reunion show and still looked all man. How many guys can carry that off I ask you. He reminds me of Mourinho so much. OK. I can't remember a better Survivor other than the All Stars and Palau where Rob and Amber became my favourite Survivor couple who fell in love and so both won in a way in All Stars and where Tom, a firefighter and also quite old guy whom I loved, won in Palau. Yup, it's still Third this season because Terry didn't win! GRRRR.

I wanted to find a much better photo where Danielle wasn't in it, especially with the immunity but oh well. Terry's the one on the left and Aras the one on the right. Both cute right. But Terry's still the man!!!

I suspect another Finale of the Amazing Race will come in a few days on this blog. I want Eric and Jeremy to win. Yes because they're cute frat guys. Haha

Hmm... I must be quite slow. How come the post box is blue now?

Anyway, today was suppose to be a chance for the Double. Instead it's Liverpool-West Ham playing in the FA cup finals. It's super exciting because West Ham (a team who only this season earned Premiership status) scored 2 first then Gerrard levelled with 2 goals and now it's 2-3 again with another from West Ham. And there's still 20 minutes or so of play left. If only Chelsea were involved but oh well nevermind.

Anyway Chelsea Season Review 05/06 is out on 16 May!!! In UK but it'll be here soon!!! Exciting!!!

And there's free delivery for Chelsea stuff from chelseamegastore.com for international delivery until 19 May. So if anyone decides that they'll be kind enough to want to sponser me an extremely early birthday present, I want this http://www.chelseamegastore.com/stores/chelsea/products/product_details.aspx?pid=23263&cid=3544&tid=&bid=0&mid=12. I want a scarf and jersey too but this is cuter. OMG jerseys are like on super super sale. Like about 13 pounds (free delivery) which is like maybe 40 Singapore dollars which is like so super cheap compared to the normal 100 bucks plus price and I'm like talking like that because this is so exciting. Even if I can't get them. Oh well. Woefulness. If only I have a charge card.

Aren't you people lucky that you know I love Chelsea and anything to do with them so birthday presents for me are easy cos you know what I want. Anything cute and classy is nice. I don't mean getting like a silver plated mickey mouse. Also don't really know how to explain.

Aside from the chelsea stuff, my piano is really worrying me. I can have hours of lessons but you know music isn't just about the notes and the timing, it's about the style and tone and feel. The teacher said she could tell I was tense and so my notes and ornaments didn't run smoothly. I could tell too. I'm quite worried I won't be able to pass. My aural tests are really bad, not the singing part but the modulations and interpretation. And it's suppose to be easy but unfortunately I'm no theory person (stopped at grade 5) so I just can't seem to get it. Ugh.

Some of my cell members weirdly enough like gaying around. It's both freaky and funny. I wonder why people don't accuse girls of 'gaying' around when we hold hands or something.

I wonder if anyone reads my blog nowadays. Now that I'm doing regular updates on my personal journal I'm contemplating a stop to blogging. Contemplating.

The weather's so insane now - one moment you're there enjoying the breeze and ignoring the pain of muscle spasms and the next the sun is beating mercilessly down and suddenly you're so aware that your body is suffering and that your mind has obviously run off to some far off place. I think it would be wise if I ran in the gym instead of near the canal.

It's becoming more apparent to me that my brain is suffering from the lack of use. Actually even if I was working I doubt it'll be used much as most jobs are merely mindless in their monotony of the routine. Alliteration baby! Not that it was planned.

I'm suffering from a generous kind of lethargy, almost a langourous quality to it. Drinks, good company. By feeding the mind, do you feed the soul? If so, that nicely explains the emptiness I sometimes feel. Lost in dreams, promises and whisperings.

I simply walk on.

I'm suddenly feeling very lost. It isn't just due to the fact that Chelsea lost to Newcastle (heartpain) , ACMilan (my favourite team of the Italian league) is trailing Juventus for Champions of Italy and that the season of football has come to an end. I can hardly muster up the enthusiasm for other things, especially when I remember my fervent counting downs to the start of the 05/06 season.

I'm struck with this notion that so far, this year HAS been pretty great.

My walk with God is progressing nicely.
I've kept in contact with the people I love.
I've had my share of work/internships experience and relaxing at home.
I've received the dues for my hard work during J2.
Chelsea won the Premiership title.
Mourinho received Manager of the Season even though he never once received Manager of the Month for 05/06 (this IS surprising).
My higher education options are still there.

While things could certainly have gone better, Chelsea winning more blah blah, having more money to spend, getting into UK universities that I desperately wanted, parents not nagging so much at my laziness, I think in all it's been good so far. Therein comes the hesitant feeling. I'm scared that this happiness I'm feeling about life in general will disappear. You know the whole 'too much of a good thing'. I'm afraid that I'll have them only to lose them.

I know God has His plan for me. I'm willing to trust in Him and give my life to Him. Yet there's the human selfish side of me that wants to have whatever I crave and won't be satisfied with the Lord's plan unless His plan happens to be the plan I want. Disgusting huh.

Life won't be a journey if it's all smooth sailing. I guess I've learn to accept that.

Some things are meant to be appreciated, treasured.
Others are just meant to be forgotten. They won't be missed.

Elections elections. I, for one, am extremely grateful that I'm living in this safe little island, extremely appreciative of our competent government and all their efforts in providing me security and economic stability.

That being said, I definitely will vote for the opposition if a) the government isn't doing a good job and b) the opposition for that particular place is better than the candidates fielded by the PAP. You gotta have both conditions.

Don't you think that the government certainly HAS made our country progress so much in the last 40 years? People may say we're a nanny state, spooned fed, no political freedom blah blah but honestly, if we're made to walk on our own, how many of us will stumble and fall and then complain our government isn't taking care of us?

I just wonder if people really appreciate what they have. I wonder how many people voted for the opposition because they were safe in the knowledge that the PAP would win and 'let's vote for the opposition just for the heck of it'. Freak accidents happen you know. That's why they're called freak accidents.

Potong Pasir, Hougang... They have competent opposition members in charge. I live in Hougang I ought to know. I certainly didn't mind them winning. I only wished PM Lee had won by a bigger margin. He's one charismatic guy. Listening to him in person is way better than on TV.

I have a few suggestions for Mr. Low Thia Khiang.
1. Make the bus service 112 more frequent. I can wait half an hour for that bus and since it's the only bus at that bus stop outside my house...

2. Clean the canal again. There are some days when the bad eggs smell thanks to the sewage stuck at the bottom can be smelt at my lift lobby. There is quite a wide road separating the canal from my condo so can you imagine how smelly it is if you stand at the edge of the canal? People jog near the canal. It would be more enjoyable if maybe I could breathe when running.

3. Change the 3 tiles walk way to a pure concrete one. There's this path through a field that they decided to help pave. With square like tiles instead of a conrete walkway. Thank you because when it rains and I accidentally step on a loose tile, muddy water splashes onto my toesies. Thanks to water gathering underneath. Like gross.

I guess after all this hype of elections has died down, I just want people to remember to vote with their hearts and their minds and be an intelligent voter in the GEs to come. No matter what party wins what seat, it's important now for the government to work together for the interests of the country and its people.

Enough of this.

I shall talk about football.

AIYO MAN UNITED HAS MADE IT 2-0 CHARLTON IN LIKE LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR. And Newcastle V Chelsea still 0-0. Terry and Lamps and Drogba and Crespo aren't playing though. Go Chelsea! This is the last game of the season before I'm reduced to watching the DVD of your 04/05 season over and over again before World Cup starts! Boohoo.

There's something so tantalizing about the primal, the mix of blood and tears and hands that slick that reach the edge of no tomorrow. The vulnerability riddens the bravado and only true emotions are present in the dance. The satisfaction can't come from the flesh, only from the darkenings of the mind. It's the soul that sings with triumph at the feeling of being truly alive.

I've missed writing. On one hand, the easiness in conveying what happened to you during the day is there with simplistic words of 'I did this and this and this today'. One simply can't use flowery language to describe a day. Or can you. It takes too much work. And then there's the other hand, where true emotions are expressed when I'm caught up in where my heart takes me, most adequately expressed in things Chelsea and my fiction which is far darker than it should be.

I mean honestly, the first paragraph is beautiful certainly, though slightly cryptic and incredibly morbid and sadistic if one ever found out where my inspiration came from but do people talk like that on a daily basis? Probably not. Unless they're often struck with bouts of writing fits and the love of language.

So that's why I leave paragraphs like that alone for blogs/diaries and fiction. There isn't place for such in essays where the need to be succinct is key. Hoo yes, one CAN appreciate such language but when it comes to figuring out the point and getting through to the heart of the meaning, it really presents a problem. Then again, a blog isn't just to recollect the day, you express opinons and yourself yada yada things like that.

I shall just enjoy the sudden bouts of musings and say the words 'pish posh' to liven things up. Along with teeheehees, I think pish posh and bish bosh are really nice words to say.

Now that my law admissions test are over I somehow find myself so carefree to the extent that I've started worrying about the most innocuous things. The test was on some privacy act and my response to a particular case and yet again, I didn't go out thinking I screwed it up but I also didn't think I did an outstanding job. Nonetheless, I'm amazed that I don't feel compelled to think about it 24/7 and the response of giving it up to God is so natural and soothing. Which is why I start thinking about weird things.

Sometimes I wonder about the hype of relationships. Nono, this isn't the grousings of a desperate single girl. It's musings! Haha. I guess my perfect relationship would be where love and care was mutual which isn't really that hard a criteria but think about how many people are mutually in love but the care isn't really there. I find myself thinking- am I ready to take on the burdens of another person as well as mine? Perhaps I am ready. Because by just raising that question it shows that I can be matured enough to be in a relationship. That I'm not just swept away by romantic notions and forget that after all the wonderful feelings of being in love there's the more serious notion of being together and growing together.

If Clarence reads my blog he is going to say 'not another blog on love!' I refuse to give Dory that satisfaction. I shall talk of how by the end of this week and even before that, some of the Uni Year1s whom I can't wait to meet up with will have finished their exams. Clara, Eugenia and Sangeeta and all my other friends in Uni. We will meet up and have a meal together. Because I miss you people. Am meeting up with Eileen tomorrow and hopefully other people soon because I want to relax and enjoy what's left of my post A level break. I really miss people who I can't meet because they're in another continent. Nat and Judy and Esther and Celestine. Even though I can't profess to be very close to some of them, it's just a plain I miss you that I want to say. To all those that I haven't seen in a while, make time for me yeah!

Other than that, I want to go to London. I feel cheated knowing that some stuff (aka my Chelsea stuff) can be bought at a much much cheaper price in the UK when converted to Sing dollars as compared to buying it in Singapore. If they can be found that is because I know some of the Chelsea books that I want will never come here. They just don't import every single darn thing. Why! Oh yes, I also want to go to London to see things. Not just because Stamford Bridge happens to be there. Really.